STOP!

So it has been a while. This is purely because I have been busy reading other peoples blogs, reading books, trying out my hand at working out other traits in me. I have returned to music again so I am writing and singing at church. That for me will always be in the top three things I must do with my time.

That being said, the buzz on social networks has also kept me on a high always lovely to connect with a complete stranger. Family gatherings have been the highlight of my life these past few months. How my dad’s family has come to be so involved with me and how we have rallied around each other’s different ventures. I feel super blessed that the sibling rivalry our parents once had has taught us better and that we have stopped being so unkind.

I also learnt that the value of learning and stopping to gather the lesson. That we call things hard only because we are afraid of figuring out things. Of iron sharpening iron and of being real about obstacles that are in our lives. So learn to stop. Learn to let go and learn to let others new and exciting things come in.

Older child syndrome

The blog is not so much about neglect as it is about the concern over what to do and not to do. The idea that so much effort is poured over the first child and making that child a success story. The predecessors are left with something of left over love and care. I think the first borns then step it up and find it as their duty to play co-parent especially in cases where the parent is single. This is my life story.

I’ve enjoyed co-parenting with my mother. The only thing I don’t do is pay my sister's bills otherwise I’m there. I cook on days I really and honestly don’t feel like it because I feel I have a child to feed. I had to do a lot of comforting during the hard years of my sisters confusion over how to live without her dad. Her father passed away when she was young and so did mine so I had walked the walk and felt very comfortable to walk her through this appalling experience. I also had the pleasure of taking her to her first day at high school and finding her classroom with her, must admit I held back the tears when she sat down and I had to go. I have attended sports days and awards ceremonies where I can. I have fussed over her grade seven dance and how she should look because I knew on the day I would be working and wouldn’t be around to help her with the nitty gritty of getting ready. She is our princess and I want her to have the best in life that we can afford to possibly give her. I do this because I feel we must create a world where children are allowed to speak to us and feel they can come to us for help or to just talk.

I have made decisions around her and how she would feel and I guess that’s why she calls me her role model. I have made this girl a priority in my life because to be honest if I had an older sister I would have expected the same. I have to calm some fires when she and mother fight but it’s always part of the package and at times mom will call me in to discipline my own sister. That for me is the hardest. But at the end of the day I remember that someone needs to guide and nurture her and who better than her own family. We haven’t gotten to talking about boys yet I think that is because she is truly afraid of me but we will get there.

I’m boring

Attempting a new and valuable relationship I took it slow. I thought no need to rush, time will tell and besides we aint going anywhere. When I get to know this person I discover he is such a gem. He is honest and so sure of himself. He is bold but he also an articulate character he is caring.

So we get into our very deep and meaningful conversations. Him talking about how his parents have made it to where they are as a couple and how his father has attributed it to his mother’s strength. He turns and says good girls are not cool. No young guy during his youth will be chasing some good girl. Then he turns the conversation by using me as an example. Good thing he makes his points quite early in the discussions and clearly or else I could have misread his honouring as him looking at me with pity. He says: “I could marry you and leave you at home because you are always at home. And leave you with my children that WE made and see other chicks out here and be dumb and think why not its only one night”. Then he says: “Chicks like you are boring”. You would think I was fuming at this point but not in the least because we had discussed so much together and we have a few understandings. The point I’m trying to make is that I understood what he was saying.

You don’t; club, party, see that many people, live in your own universe and go to church what is that? I’m asked this often. I say life comes in phases embrace this. I was the type that was never at home. To the point that my mom used to say, “I’ll find you dead in the streets one day”. She had this fear because I was always on the go. And if I wasn’t out I was in bed recovering and trust me I was never a drinker either I just love people. I’d clean the house early in the morning just so that I could be gone before it was lunch time. Before the social networks, before facebook and twitter (not that I’m blaming these networks) I had a lot of single friends, fast forward a few years and you find that they married, I’m not. I left for a year and returned to my home suburb to find a lot had changed as it should. And no effort was made from my end to try and make life mean anything. I was lazy to construct a new life so my new life became my own company. Not to say I should be placed in an asylum. I still see people, I go to concerts, I have cellgroup every Wednesday of my little life and I get real human interaction but boring not me, not in the least.

To be perfectly honest I enjoy the company of the older wiser folk, if not that then kids but the best company is my own company. And that’s all there is to it.