STOP!

So it has been a while. This is purely because I have been busy reading other peoples blogs, reading books, trying out my hand at working out other traits in me. I have returned to music again so I am writing and singing at church. That for me will always be in the top three things I must do with my time.

That being said, the buzz on social networks has also kept me on a high always lovely to connect with a complete stranger. Family gatherings have been the highlight of my life these past few months. How my dad’s family has come to be so involved with me and how we have rallied around each other’s different ventures. I feel super blessed that the sibling rivalry our parents once had has taught us better and that we have stopped being so unkind.

I also learnt that the value of learning and stopping to gather the lesson. That we call things hard only because we are afraid of figuring out things. Of iron sharpening iron and of being real about obstacles that are in our lives. So learn to stop. Learn to let go and learn to let others new and exciting things come in.

Older child syndrome

The blog is not so much about neglect as it is about the concern over what to do and not to do. The idea that so much effort is poured over the first child and making that child a success story. The predecessors are left with something of left over love and care. I think the first borns then step it up and find it as their duty to play co-parent especially in cases where the parent is single. This is my life story.

I’ve enjoyed co-parenting with my mother. The only thing I don’t do is pay my sister's bills otherwise I’m there. I cook on days I really and honestly don’t feel like it because I feel I have a child to feed. I had to do a lot of comforting during the hard years of my sisters confusion over how to live without her dad. Her father passed away when she was young and so did mine so I had walked the walk and felt very comfortable to walk her through this appalling experience. I also had the pleasure of taking her to her first day at high school and finding her classroom with her, must admit I held back the tears when she sat down and I had to go. I have attended sports days and awards ceremonies where I can. I have fussed over her grade seven dance and how she should look because I knew on the day I would be working and wouldn’t be around to help her with the nitty gritty of getting ready. She is our princess and I want her to have the best in life that we can afford to possibly give her. I do this because I feel we must create a world where children are allowed to speak to us and feel they can come to us for help or to just talk.

I have made decisions around her and how she would feel and I guess that’s why she calls me her role model. I have made this girl a priority in my life because to be honest if I had an older sister I would have expected the same. I have to calm some fires when she and mother fight but it’s always part of the package and at times mom will call me in to discipline my own sister. That for me is the hardest. But at the end of the day I remember that someone needs to guide and nurture her and who better than her own family. We haven’t gotten to talking about boys yet I think that is because she is truly afraid of me but we will get there.

I’m boring

Attempting a new and valuable relationship I took it slow. I thought no need to rush, time will tell and besides we aint going anywhere. When I get to know this person I discover he is such a gem. He is honest and so sure of himself. He is bold but he also an articulate character he is caring.

So we get into our very deep and meaningful conversations. Him talking about how his parents have made it to where they are as a couple and how his father has attributed it to his mother’s strength. He turns and says good girls are not cool. No young guy during his youth will be chasing some good girl. Then he turns the conversation by using me as an example. Good thing he makes his points quite early in the discussions and clearly or else I could have misread his honouring as him looking at me with pity. He says: “I could marry you and leave you at home because you are always at home. And leave you with my children that WE made and see other chicks out here and be dumb and think why not its only one night”. Then he says: “Chicks like you are boring”. You would think I was fuming at this point but not in the least because we had discussed so much together and we have a few understandings. The point I’m trying to make is that I understood what he was saying.

You don’t; club, party, see that many people, live in your own universe and go to church what is that? I’m asked this often. I say life comes in phases embrace this. I was the type that was never at home. To the point that my mom used to say, “I’ll find you dead in the streets one day”. She had this fear because I was always on the go. And if I wasn’t out I was in bed recovering and trust me I was never a drinker either I just love people. I’d clean the house early in the morning just so that I could be gone before it was lunch time. Before the social networks, before facebook and twitter (not that I’m blaming these networks) I had a lot of single friends, fast forward a few years and you find that they married, I’m not. I left for a year and returned to my home suburb to find a lot had changed as it should. And no effort was made from my end to try and make life mean anything. I was lazy to construct a new life so my new life became my own company. Not to say I should be placed in an asylum. I still see people, I go to concerts, I have cellgroup every Wednesday of my little life and I get real human interaction but boring not me, not in the least.

To be perfectly honest I enjoy the company of the older wiser folk, if not that then kids but the best company is my own company. And that’s all there is to it.

The close up, face up to Nicky Greenwall

The best close up I have ever seen. The Greenwall Productions gave its best offering after show casing Nicky Greenwall and her story of how she landed up in showbiz. The struggles, the anxiety attacks, the loss and the eventual gains all come with this studious woman, Nicky Greenwall.

Seeing as it was woman’s month when they shot the season of “The close up”, this was a perfect ending to what had been a microscopic look into the lives of our local celebrities. The stars are an array of stars we see or hear about on a daily basis. My best show was Zolani Mahola when she told about how she reached her heights and even a stunt on television on Tsha Tsha. But I did not anticipate ever that “the Camera’s would be reversed” and we would see the elegant lady behind the show, the show we have become such avid fans to.

Greenwall agrees to having a cushioned upbringing in Capetown. Her lifestyle or the lifestyle given to her had blind folded her to the political activities of the day and now she is an all rounded all South African citizen. I don’t want to dwell on her personal life but rather to commend this phenomenal character for facing adversity and not giving up. She has taught me and many South Africans that following your instincts will benefit you only if you follow them.

My admiration ran wild when she spoke of something most people never want to talk about, the fear that you are not in control. I have had that fear for far too many times and could never identify with it until the show. However so, I must say writing this makes me feel like I am a step away from ridding of the fear and taking back control. I was always told, by many people who know me well, to continue writing. My real passion is a way with words and why we pick the words we do and why we say what we do at the times we do. The best part is when they reflect on paper. Writing my reflection of the show is just one of the ways of firstly honouring Ms Greenwall and secondly applauding the stellar work she has done.

To the Greenwall production team this is the only way I can say thank you, by typing it. Thank you. You have worked well and hard with an ardent work ethic to give us great entertainment and I say well done. As a journalist myself I can only imagine the research that went into it all. To fellow South Africans who saw this let the passion not end here continue the good work. Be unrelenting, be bold, be achievers.

My daddy issues worked out

If only I told myself this when I find out his age .Instead I froze for a good two weeks .Beside myself with the idea of our age difference. Tried to explain it to my close friends who’s reactions were exactly like mine, one friend even said ‘’are men your age all gone?” Family and friends are your spare wheels in a tricycle while you still adjusting to riding this relationship.  If you are covered by them you are safe and good to go.

After astounding reactions and with patience a well awaited break up I have what we call a friendship, to be honest we shouldn’t call it that but let’s go with that. I discovered that the best thing that could happen to me was to have my so-called daddy issues with this particular man. He gave me ample space to address my queries astutely. We also got to defy any held stereotypes about dating a young girl. I had one of those over bearing characters but with time this experience became my vehicle to maturity. He, coming from a divorce and getting a child from another woman meant there was no commitment any time soon. He wasn’t prone to the meet the family or the bonding type.  Although contrary to popular believe I was the adult in this relationship hands down. Around me he was relaxed unless we were in a debate and he had issues he felt strongly about. The stern voice and sparkling eyes were always a dead giveaway that court was in session and both sides would debate their plausible arguments. He also made sure that whatever I was dealing with I lay on the table. He had atmost respect for me and my mother and wanted me to always respect my mother and hold her in high esteem.

I am grateful for it because from this I learnt about how bitter, trashy and messy previous relationships can be. How some woman, use their children to lure men into submission. And how some men were raised in a different way in the previous era, they were raised to respect a woman. They were raised to uphold a woman and not be demanding and possessive or maybe I was rather lucky.  Not once did I feel I was subjected to him or owned by him. Neither was I forced into anything I didn’t want to do. I walked into this with my dignity and walked out even more dignified.

So it’s true what they say, you determine how others should treat you. Or how people teach you how to welcome treatment is how you raise the bar for the next to follow suit.

Not everyone will be happy for you

Not everyone will be happy at what you are achieving but will be there to laugh at you when you fall. The thing about a gift is that it’s always like the first time every time you do something so surely then you will fail every now and again.

See we have placed focus on when we fail and go on some sad pitiful tangent trust me I did to. Instead of finding out how to mend and move on we almost stay stationary in the same spot for no good reason. Imagine if an extreme emergency case came into the emergency ward and the wounded person kept saying “no I’m fine take care of the next casualty” and the next and the next. They would end up dying from secondary causes like bleeding to death. Sounds stupid but we literally kill our own spirits and become corpses roaming earth with no direction instead of calling for help.

The proud will die, be humble and you will go far. The thing that get to me is that we always know this when we are content but never implement it in times of extreme emergency. Follow your gut at times and you will see how far you will go. Never apologise for following your sixth sense. Always Pray and meditate in your being lies all the answers you are looking for. My encouragement has always been that you must be your own cheerleader. Because when the crowds gone you left with yourself.

On bended knee

So I’ll be like the apostle Paul and write to the church but more specially the entire church. I say entire church because that would, believe it or not, be everybody. Or maybe for comfort sake we extract all the above and say I’m writing to every breathing being.

When you are faced with a situation there are two options that you have, the first is to stand, up right on your feet and just stand. Other option you have is to plea to God (others say universe I say God) .You plea that somehow somewhere he would remove the burden. The reality is like most things we must sometimes go through grilling times before we get it. We must sweat to be or have what we need. Reality is you need to pray, yes I said pray, go down on bended knee. The truth is God recognises a humble heart.

So you might say I’m provided for none the less and I get what I need. Yes there is that level because of grace. You have mercies, plenty of them in fact and guess what they come with each day. The word says his mercies are new each (waking) morning. So he has your back no doubt. However you need to dig deeper to have what’s yours.

The thing about a road less traveled is that no one can advise you on how to go by it and its not forged and it is not predictable. The road well traveled is well known it’s sadly the road well spoken of. It is worn out and looks like the real road to be taking but not always. Yes most of this blog has been a sermon and I’m fine with that because I know that if I knock the lord shall open the door if I seek him I shall find him. At any given time.

We can’t all be house mothers`, we can’t all be singers or architects…We need to dig to find what our beings should be doing. So whilst you are wondering what it is that you should be doing ask yourself: am I in the position to be standing or bending? Once you do that, the burden shall weigh less or not nothing.