Not everyone will be happy for you

Not everyone will be happy at what you are achieving but will be there to laugh at you when you fall. The thing about a gift is that it’s always like the first time every time you do something so surely then you will fail every now and again.

See we have placed focus on when we fail and go on some sad pitiful tangent trust me I did to. Instead of finding out how to mend and move on we almost stay stationary in the same spot for no good reason. Imagine if an extreme emergency case came into the emergency ward and the wounded person kept saying “no I’m fine take care of the next casualty” and the next and the next. They would end up dying from secondary causes like bleeding to death. Sounds stupid but we literally kill our own spirits and become corpses roaming earth with no direction instead of calling for help.

The proud will die, be humble and you will go far. The thing that get to me is that we always know this when we are content but never implement it in times of extreme emergency. Follow your gut at times and you will see how far you will go. Never apologise for following your sixth sense. Always Pray and meditate in your being lies all the answers you are looking for. My encouragement has always been that you must be your own cheerleader. Because when the crowds gone you left with yourself.

On bended knee

So I’ll be like the apostle Paul and write to the church but more specially the entire church. I say entire church because that would, believe it or not, be everybody. Or maybe for comfort sake we extract all the above and say I’m writing to every breathing being.

When you are faced with a situation there are two options that you have, the first is to stand, up right on your feet and just stand. Other option you have is to plea to God (others say universe I say God) .You plea that somehow somewhere he would remove the burden. The reality is like most things we must sometimes go through grilling times before we get it. We must sweat to be or have what we need. Reality is you need to pray, yes I said pray, go down on bended knee. The truth is God recognises a humble heart.

So you might say I’m provided for none the less and I get what I need. Yes there is that level because of grace. You have mercies, plenty of them in fact and guess what they come with each day. The word says his mercies are new each (waking) morning. So he has your back no doubt. However you need to dig deeper to have what’s yours.

The thing about a road less traveled is that no one can advise you on how to go by it and its not forged and it is not predictable. The road well traveled is well known it’s sadly the road well spoken of. It is worn out and looks like the real road to be taking but not always. Yes most of this blog has been a sermon and I’m fine with that because I know that if I knock the lord shall open the door if I seek him I shall find him. At any given time.

We can’t all be house mothers`, we can’t all be singers or architects…We need to dig to find what our beings should be doing. So whilst you are wondering what it is that you should be doing ask yourself: am I in the position to be standing or bending? Once you do that, the burden shall weigh less or not nothing.

Weapons of mass deception!

You would think woman will stick together and stand up to fellow woman oppression instead I’m afraid this is rather the contrary. One day I will have to explain this to my sister and daughter how we sell our sisters’ souls to the very enemy. We trade them off for what I can’t really care to discuss.

As woman we love to exude that we have each other’s backs but we don’t. The fuel of this debacle is what I refer to as weapons of mass deception, men, that we constantly want to claim as our very own. Ever heard a woman, that’s not married mind you, using the term ‘my man’ almost like a lioness marking her territory, and the Lion looking at her without a care because it is not her role to be playing. Owning a person is slavery really.  However I experienced something once where this woman failed to confront me about her lack of approval of me asking her questions of her acquaintance with a gentleman we both happened to know.

Now let’s remove the fact that this guy friend of mine defended her solid because that’s another debate, why did she fail to approach me about it? Does this not show that the sisterhood pact goes out the window the minute a male counterpart enters the subject of debate. Please let me make it clear that I am not talking about a teenage woman but rather a grown woman. Whatever she said to my friend it got him jumping to her defence. She on the other hand has tarnished her first impression she made to me. Knowing myself very well I know that as I type this I no longer hold any resentment but rather I feel sorry for what other woman might go through. What my daughter, that I have yet to conceive one day, will have to go through shocks me.

The war continues and we will be easily deceived because we ourselves have no backbones .We are highly insecure, sadly as a gender. I pray my daughter will never take this lying down because I for one sure didn’t and my guy friend knows this to be true.

Greys anatomy season nine awaits me

I must say Shonda Rhimes and her crew had us going. Firstly reading the comments about season eight episode 24 and how Lexie (Chyler Leigh) leaves the show has left a bitter taste in my mouth.

The characters are at a cross roads after their medical board exams. With some people getting lucrative job opportunities, and others receiving leads for jobs this leaves the viewer anticipating anything but nothing can prepare you for episode 24. Others have to make hard decisions with partners or spouses. Of course the writers had to include a web of relationships, sex and money but the drama leaves many gasping. What we don’t anticipate is the death of prime character Lexie (Chyler Leigh) and the transpiring of a fatal accident. This accident mind you yet again proves how great Dr.Yang is in tough situations, ash she so clearly say “I don’t want to die”. But will Dr Hunt fight to keep her after firing the head of cardiac surgery and estranged friend Teddy.

An emotional and intense ending to what looked like a revamping of Greys Mercy West Hospital. As a huge fan, I'm proud of Rhimes and her team.

(Photo source: http://www.tvfanatic.com/gallery/mark-and-meredith/ )

Voyage to Destiny

You might ask several questions on why I returned to blogging and why this blog again? Can I even do this? why did I not start another blog etc? I do feel I can. I was busy growing up during my vacation and feel I am allowed to return and deposit my own thoughts on my own blog.

I left blogging for a few reasons. First one was that my loving, enduring, prosperous relationship ended just after my last post so what was before had seized to exist and I have been single since that day. I did not see the need to vent on my blog. Secondly I returned to varsity this time I did a Diploma in Journalism. Seeing that you had gone through this with me already I didn’t find the need to drag you to my lectures that bored me stiff and complain about deadlines that needed to be met. So all of the above was said on twitter.

My return is because I missed observing and writing, I did my craft a disservice I tell you. In my growing I gathered so much. I learned more about who I am and what I’m about, and I guess I am still learning .I have learnt what bitterness and hurt can do to people and in people. It is poison and once discovered it will defend its cause no matter what. I have learnt we all need love and care this is because we were all born with this hormones in us. We cannot reject that reality but we can choose to ignore it. I learnt that at times, you not striking back is not surrendering or fear it’s you telling the universe you are better and braver from this to continue in an already won battle.

My friends they came and well you know they left. But the ones I still have, will be the ones I keep I have learnt from them that love is true unconditional and what you do to others will return to you one hundred fold.

My family, what can I say about these individuals beside that they are the best thing God gave me. They have given me strength and sleepless night’s .They have cherished me and cursed me out whenever however. They have provided a decent frown on my forehead and laughs till I got a headaches. They are the glory of God personified.

But the voyage continues my friends.

Language your mind,to mind your language

My pastor always says watch what you take in. You are what you consume. Junk in Junk out,etc. All I am saying is in my days of interaction on these social networking sites is that the language used is bad at times. Also it is a reflection of your influences and what your mind entertains.

After being called whore and heifer by a few woman I was reminded by Oprah's discussion of why rappers degrade their own ladies like that. To them it becomes affectionate wording. But your diction dictates you mental occupancy. You are not respected,period. I have found myself feel very disrespected by the language.And protested to be called or even labelled like this.Our brothers don't mind calling us Bitch -no ways don't you dare!

So which are you? Are you the one who takes care of your mind so you dont have to mind you language or you find yourself having to say "mind your language" ?

Dear daddy

My Dear beloved Daddy,

Hoping this reaches a well rested soul. Well it has been 10 long hard years of father-lessness. 1999 to 2009 A lot could be said about that time, questions asked and maybe with no answers. Where you would be living? Would I be this liberal?Would you be proud? Would you have other begotten children? Would you take us by the hand and have civil conversations with Gugu and I.

Last week my cousin shed a little more light on your passing. Pitty my hero was left uncovered like dirt on the street for hours since no one could identify him,all because someone had to silence you with a bullet. If it was complete silence they wanted they got it because you left then.But I never saw you as dirt you where dignified and ever so elegant. Hardly polite and always sharing exactly what was on your mind-maybe your honesty killed you. Pitty some say you where with another woman that never surprised me at all. No disrespect to you or mama but I am slowly understanding why you and mom would never have made it down a aisle. You had your own and she has hers...imagine how I turned out.

Would me being christian please you as some people would enjoy me taking on the "sangoma" heritage further.Would me writing a letter in English like this one please you, or leave you annoyed at how brainwashed I was , after all you did not like other races much. Would me being a virgin at 22 make you a proud father I think so.Would you have agreed with mom when I moved out at the age of 18? But my lack in choice of men and failing to qualify, that leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I think you would have me stoned as you came from a family of ambitious achievers. I hold onto the fact that since you tried to know me from a distance, you would defend my immature errors by fighting some battles with me. Because family is family.

I guess one thing would kill you dead, my lack in relation with my sister.You tried introducing the two and I think your efforts where for us to be as thick as thieves. I am afraid your endeavor was devoured by death. And we where left at the age of me,12 and her,8 to attempt to pick up the pieces with oh so bitter mothers.(mind you I think when I see you again I must ask you how you selected woman, did they have to have a solemn hate for you to carry your children?)

I think as the eldest you would have treated me like your boy, I mean I hear you where proud I was an athlete something most your friends thought had no future and was futile. I know you would have taught us nothing is for free and education is key. I think independence would have been your mantra and courage to fight.

Now I have other fathers who take great care of me, but they will never be anything you where Ncube wam,Mzilankatha ngalonde malandela ilanga lize liyoshona.You to me live fresh in my memory .You wake and sleep in the depth of my heart never to be removed. I have respect I have love for you my daddy.

Lala Ngoxolo Baba wam.(Rest in Peace)