Dear daddy

My Dear beloved Daddy,

Hoping this reaches a well rested soul. Well it has been 10 long hard years of father-lessness. 1999 to 2009 A lot could be said about that time, questions asked and maybe with no answers. Where you would be living? Would I be this liberal?Would you be proud? Would you have other begotten children? Would you take us by the hand and have civil conversations with Gugu and I.

Last week my cousin shed a little more light on your passing. Pitty my hero was left uncovered like dirt on the street for hours since no one could identify him,all because someone had to silence you with a bullet. If it was complete silence they wanted they got it because you left then.But I never saw you as dirt you where dignified and ever so elegant. Hardly polite and always sharing exactly what was on your mind-maybe your honesty killed you. Pitty some say you where with another woman that never surprised me at all. No disrespect to you or mama but I am slowly understanding why you and mom would never have made it down a aisle. You had your own and she has hers...imagine how I turned out.

Would me being christian please you as some people would enjoy me taking on the "sangoma" heritage further.Would me writing a letter in English like this one please you, or leave you annoyed at how brainwashed I was , after all you did not like other races much. Would me being a virgin at 22 make you a proud father I think so.Would you have agreed with mom when I moved out at the age of 18? But my lack in choice of men and failing to qualify, that leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I think you would have me stoned as you came from a family of ambitious achievers. I hold onto the fact that since you tried to know me from a distance, you would defend my immature errors by fighting some battles with me. Because family is family.

I guess one thing would kill you dead, my lack in relation with my sister.You tried introducing the two and I think your efforts where for us to be as thick as thieves. I am afraid your endeavor was devoured by death. And we where left at the age of me,12 and her,8 to attempt to pick up the pieces with oh so bitter mothers.(mind you I think when I see you again I must ask you how you selected woman, did they have to have a solemn hate for you to carry your children?)

I think as the eldest you would have treated me like your boy, I mean I hear you where proud I was an athlete something most your friends thought had no future and was futile. I know you would have taught us nothing is for free and education is key. I think independence would have been your mantra and courage to fight.

Now I have other fathers who take great care of me, but they will never be anything you where Ncube wam,Mzilankatha ngalonde malandela ilanga lize liyoshona.You to me live fresh in my memory .You wake and sleep in the depth of my heart never to be removed. I have respect I have love for you my daddy.

Lala Ngoxolo Baba wam.(Rest in Peace)