The close up, face up to Nicky Greenwall

The best close up I have ever seen. The Greenwall Productions gave its best offering after show casing Nicky Greenwall and her story of how she landed up in showbiz. The struggles, the anxiety attacks, the loss and the eventual gains all come with this studious woman, Nicky Greenwall.

Seeing as it was woman’s month when they shot the season of “The close up”, this was a perfect ending to what had been a microscopic look into the lives of our local celebrities. The stars are an array of stars we see or hear about on a daily basis. My best show was Zolani Mahola when she told about how she reached her heights and even a stunt on television on Tsha Tsha. But I did not anticipate ever that “the Camera’s would be reversed” and we would see the elegant lady behind the show, the show we have become such avid fans to.

Greenwall agrees to having a cushioned upbringing in Capetown. Her lifestyle or the lifestyle given to her had blind folded her to the political activities of the day and now she is an all rounded all South African citizen. I don’t want to dwell on her personal life but rather to commend this phenomenal character for facing adversity and not giving up. She has taught me and many South Africans that following your instincts will benefit you only if you follow them.

My admiration ran wild when she spoke of something most people never want to talk about, the fear that you are not in control. I have had that fear for far too many times and could never identify with it until the show. However so, I must say writing this makes me feel like I am a step away from ridding of the fear and taking back control. I was always told, by many people who know me well, to continue writing. My real passion is a way with words and why we pick the words we do and why we say what we do at the times we do. The best part is when they reflect on paper. Writing my reflection of the show is just one of the ways of firstly honouring Ms Greenwall and secondly applauding the stellar work she has done.

To the Greenwall production team this is the only way I can say thank you, by typing it. Thank you. You have worked well and hard with an ardent work ethic to give us great entertainment and I say well done. As a journalist myself I can only imagine the research that went into it all. To fellow South Africans who saw this let the passion not end here continue the good work. Be unrelenting, be bold, be achievers.

My daddy issues worked out

If only I told myself this when I find out his age .Instead I froze for a good two weeks .Beside myself with the idea of our age difference. Tried to explain it to my close friends who’s reactions were exactly like mine, one friend even said ‘’are men your age all gone?” Family and friends are your spare wheels in a tricycle while you still adjusting to riding this relationship.  If you are covered by them you are safe and good to go.

After astounding reactions and with patience a well awaited break up I have what we call a friendship, to be honest we shouldn’t call it that but let’s go with that. I discovered that the best thing that could happen to me was to have my so-called daddy issues with this particular man. He gave me ample space to address my queries astutely. We also got to defy any held stereotypes about dating a young girl. I had one of those over bearing characters but with time this experience became my vehicle to maturity. He, coming from a divorce and getting a child from another woman meant there was no commitment any time soon. He wasn’t prone to the meet the family or the bonding type.  Although contrary to popular believe I was the adult in this relationship hands down. Around me he was relaxed unless we were in a debate and he had issues he felt strongly about. The stern voice and sparkling eyes were always a dead giveaway that court was in session and both sides would debate their plausible arguments. He also made sure that whatever I was dealing with I lay on the table. He had atmost respect for me and my mother and wanted me to always respect my mother and hold her in high esteem.

I am grateful for it because from this I learnt about how bitter, trashy and messy previous relationships can be. How some woman, use their children to lure men into submission. And how some men were raised in a different way in the previous era, they were raised to respect a woman. They were raised to uphold a woman and not be demanding and possessive or maybe I was rather lucky.  Not once did I feel I was subjected to him or owned by him. Neither was I forced into anything I didn’t want to do. I walked into this with my dignity and walked out even more dignified.

So it’s true what they say, you determine how others should treat you. Or how people teach you how to welcome treatment is how you raise the bar for the next to follow suit.

Not everyone will be happy for you

Not everyone will be happy at what you are achieving but will be there to laugh at you when you fall. The thing about a gift is that it’s always like the first time every time you do something so surely then you will fail every now and again.

See we have placed focus on when we fail and go on some sad pitiful tangent trust me I did to. Instead of finding out how to mend and move on we almost stay stationary in the same spot for no good reason. Imagine if an extreme emergency case came into the emergency ward and the wounded person kept saying “no I’m fine take care of the next casualty” and the next and the next. They would end up dying from secondary causes like bleeding to death. Sounds stupid but we literally kill our own spirits and become corpses roaming earth with no direction instead of calling for help.

The proud will die, be humble and you will go far. The thing that get to me is that we always know this when we are content but never implement it in times of extreme emergency. Follow your gut at times and you will see how far you will go. Never apologise for following your sixth sense. Always Pray and meditate in your being lies all the answers you are looking for. My encouragement has always been that you must be your own cheerleader. Because when the crowds gone you left with yourself.

On bended knee

So I’ll be like the apostle Paul and write to the church but more specially the entire church. I say entire church because that would, believe it or not, be everybody. Or maybe for comfort sake we extract all the above and say I’m writing to every breathing being.

When you are faced with a situation there are two options that you have, the first is to stand, up right on your feet and just stand. Other option you have is to plea to God (others say universe I say God) .You plea that somehow somewhere he would remove the burden. The reality is like most things we must sometimes go through grilling times before we get it. We must sweat to be or have what we need. Reality is you need to pray, yes I said pray, go down on bended knee. The truth is God recognises a humble heart.

So you might say I’m provided for none the less and I get what I need. Yes there is that level because of grace. You have mercies, plenty of them in fact and guess what they come with each day. The word says his mercies are new each (waking) morning. So he has your back no doubt. However you need to dig deeper to have what’s yours.

The thing about a road less traveled is that no one can advise you on how to go by it and its not forged and it is not predictable. The road well traveled is well known it’s sadly the road well spoken of. It is worn out and looks like the real road to be taking but not always. Yes most of this blog has been a sermon and I’m fine with that because I know that if I knock the lord shall open the door if I seek him I shall find him. At any given time.

We can’t all be house mothers`, we can’t all be singers or architects…We need to dig to find what our beings should be doing. So whilst you are wondering what it is that you should be doing ask yourself: am I in the position to be standing or bending? Once you do that, the burden shall weigh less or not nothing.

Weapons of mass deception!

You would think woman will stick together and stand up to fellow woman oppression instead I’m afraid this is rather the contrary. One day I will have to explain this to my sister and daughter how we sell our sisters’ souls to the very enemy. We trade them off for what I can’t really care to discuss.

As woman we love to exude that we have each other’s backs but we don’t. The fuel of this debacle is what I refer to as weapons of mass deception, men, that we constantly want to claim as our very own. Ever heard a woman, that’s not married mind you, using the term ‘my man’ almost like a lioness marking her territory, and the Lion looking at her without a care because it is not her role to be playing. Owning a person is slavery really.  However I experienced something once where this woman failed to confront me about her lack of approval of me asking her questions of her acquaintance with a gentleman we both happened to know.

Now let’s remove the fact that this guy friend of mine defended her solid because that’s another debate, why did she fail to approach me about it? Does this not show that the sisterhood pact goes out the window the minute a male counterpart enters the subject of debate. Please let me make it clear that I am not talking about a teenage woman but rather a grown woman. Whatever she said to my friend it got him jumping to her defence. She on the other hand has tarnished her first impression she made to me. Knowing myself very well I know that as I type this I no longer hold any resentment but rather I feel sorry for what other woman might go through. What my daughter, that I have yet to conceive one day, will have to go through shocks me.

The war continues and we will be easily deceived because we ourselves have no backbones .We are highly insecure, sadly as a gender. I pray my daughter will never take this lying down because I for one sure didn’t and my guy friend knows this to be true.

Greys anatomy season nine awaits me

I must say Shonda Rhimes and her crew had us going. Firstly reading the comments about season eight episode 24 and how Lexie (Chyler Leigh) leaves the show has left a bitter taste in my mouth.

The characters are at a cross roads after their medical board exams. With some people getting lucrative job opportunities, and others receiving leads for jobs this leaves the viewer anticipating anything but nothing can prepare you for episode 24. Others have to make hard decisions with partners or spouses. Of course the writers had to include a web of relationships, sex and money but the drama leaves many gasping. What we don’t anticipate is the death of prime character Lexie (Chyler Leigh) and the transpiring of a fatal accident. This accident mind you yet again proves how great Dr.Yang is in tough situations, ash she so clearly say “I don’t want to die”. But will Dr Hunt fight to keep her after firing the head of cardiac surgery and estranged friend Teddy.

An emotional and intense ending to what looked like a revamping of Greys Mercy West Hospital. As a huge fan, I'm proud of Rhimes and her team.

(Photo source: http://www.tvfanatic.com/gallery/mark-and-meredith/ )