Keeping it real

I do a lot of encouraging. I support a lot of people, not financially but emotionally. I do quite a bit of listening. I say a bit because I always interject so I must still learn to master the smart skill of letting people speak. I write blogs to motivate not just you the reader but myself.  What I just learnt is an introspection rather than a motivation. I am keeping it real in this blog.

My greatest gift given to me and also that I give to others is love. This year has been a journey of introspection and reconciliation. But for the first time this year I exploded. I verbally went wild. I checked the dates in the month, trying to establish if it was not hormonal. I tried eating but I was not filling up the vacuum. It was a very small request by family, a small errand that sent me straight to crazy land. Sadly the recipients of my madness were my family. The feeling after is worse than a hangover.

I couldn’t finish my tea in the office. I cannot, not go back to very loud and up tight conversation I had in my head. As much as it was a point I was raising within my family structure. I just used the worse settings to address it. All the ways and words could have been much better. In essence I was out of line.

Now that I have put my family and others in a very interesting position I must realise that I need to control the way I address things when I feel violated. I must also realise that I must treat myself with kindness and in that way I will know how to treat others with kindness. We will never be fine with a hostile environment and we will never grow in one, so let’s not remain in hostility lets learn to ask for forgiveness and move on.  There is plenty more harm that I did in this relationship that needs fixing but I will have to start rebuilding what I broke, and not the other way around. I must call it and I must address it. This blog is just a perfect example to show how human I am. We all are but we must take responsibility what we do. It’s extremely difficult to watch the trail of damage your own words have made under the wrath of your anger.